First dates and meetings can be thrilling, nerve-wracking, and everything in between. Add an arranged marriage situation to the mix, and that raises the stakes even higher. In the world of arranged marriages, first encounters aren’t just butterflies and awkward smiles; they’re stepping stones to a lifetime ahead. While it’s natural to start with the basics, asking about their favourite F1 teams or indie artists isn’t enough. You must dive deeper to understand their perspectives, future goals, and what truly stirs their heart.

To ensure a solid foundation for future dates and, possibly, a life together, it’s essential to ask all
the right questions. Here are eight pivotal questions to ask before an arranged marriage to ensure
alignment and understanding between potential partners:

1. What are your long-term aspirations, and how do you envision your life in the next five to ten years?

Before commitment, delve deeper into each other’s future aspirations. Ask what lies ahead- are there mountains to climb, businesses to build, or families to nurture? Discuss life goals, hopes for the future, and your envisioned life journey together. By sharing these aspirations, we can unveil any potential misalignments and build a foundation of compatibility. It’s about co-creating a future that reflects your unique desires, not just fitting into someone else’s vision.

2. Do you want children?

Do tiny footprints paint your future dreams? Be it a joyful “yes,” a hesitant “maybe,” or a firm “no,” share your desires honestly. Remember, every answer deserves respect. Family planning includes candid conversations about the desire for children and the ideal number, considering factors like career goals, finances, and age. Before getting married, this is one of the most important topics to be on the same page about.

3. What role do you envision for our families in our future life together?

Openly discuss your desired levels of involvement, both from your and your partner’s families. Remember, just as some crave the comfort of close-knit clans, others prefer a more independent space. Speak frankly about boundaries, decision-making regarding in-laws, living arrangements, and expectations around caregiving. Acknowledge and
respect cultural norms, but don’t let them overshadow your own needs and aspirations as
a couple.

4. How do you handle disagreements or conflicts?

Whether you’re a natural pacifist, prefer a cooling-off period, brush issues under the rug, or express emotions immediately and assertively – how you handle disputes reflects your inner self. Understanding each other’s conflict styles is crucial for evaluating long-term compatibility. Individuals valuing open communication may struggle with silent treatments, while those favouring avoidance may find fiery arguments challenging. Consider if your disagreement styles clash and how it might impact marital harmony.

5. What priorities do you assign to your career and personal life?

Picture your perfect day, is it conquering a board meeting or trekking with loved ones? Or perhaps it’s a blend of both, where career ambitions seamlessly intertwine with family time. Express your priorities on work-life balance and explore if they align with your partner’s. In the early stages, unravel these aspirations, discuss where your heart truly lies, and co-create a vision that harmonises your professional and personal lives.

6. What are your views on finances, savings, and spending?

Let’s be real, finances matter. Don’t let the “awkward money talk” linger, and have open, honest conversations about financial compatibility early on to build a strong foundation for your future. Discuss any existing debts, your spending habits, and how you envision shared expenses.

7. What are your dealbreakers in a relationship?

We all have boundaries, those lines in the sand we don’t want crossed. Sharing these non-negotiables early on isn’t about creating walls, but about building bridges of understanding and saving each other from future heartbreak. Are their dealbreakers compatible with your values and lifestyle? Discuss openly, and explore if they’re absolute or have areas for growth.

8. What are your core values?

Cliché or not, core values reveal the essence of a person. They are the compass directing their choices and actions, reflecting who they are when times get tough. Ideas like integrity and compassion aren’t just buzzwords – but principles that ultimately reveal their character. So, go beyond the surface and understand how they perceive and navigate the world. It’s in these values that you uncover the depth and authenticity of an
individual.

While deciding on a life partner after just one meeting is unrealistic, the initial conversation lays the groundwork for the future. While Indian and American arranged marriages may have significant differences, it’s essential to approach these discussions with wisdom, patience, and understanding. Remember, this isn’t a test, but a conversation. Don’t just ask questions, but listen deeply and introspect. Let your souls speak, and see if the answers resonate.

For more, talk to our premium matchmaking specialists at Vows for eternity.