When it comes to relationships today, a lot of men feel lost, like they’re just not connecting with their partners in a deep, meaningful way. One big reason for this disconnect that doesn’t get talked about enough is toxic masculinity. It’s not just something that messes with your mental health—it’s also a relationship killer. The idea that being a man means being dominant, aggressive, and emotionally shut off drives a wedge between men and the authentic relationships they crave. If you think asking for help makes you weak, you’re already tangled up in it.
Toxic masculinity is basically a mix of cultural expectations that say men should be tough, in control, and never show emotions. But here’s the thing—men do cry, feel pain, and need to heal just like everyone else. Unfortunately, society often expects men, even young boys, to fit into this narrow and destructive mould of what it means to be a man.
According to Psychology Today, toxic masculinity is about a set of behaviours that define manhood through violence, sex, status, and aggression. This shows up in everyday life when men avoid showing emotions, feel the need to control everything in a relationship, or use aggression to solve problems. These behaviours don’t just keep you isolated; they bottle up your anger and make it hard to accept support—even when it’s offered with the best intentions.
Research from Indiana University and Nanyang Technological University shows that men who stick to these outdated masculine ideals are more likely to suffer from stress, depression, and other mental health issues. And guess what? This hits hardest in their romantic and social lives.
A survey from 2014 on male identity laid it all out—98% of men admitted they felt crushed by societal expectations, like they were living lives that weren’t really theirs. The constant pressure to “man up” or “grow a pair” traps men in a place where they can’t express their true feelings or pursue their genuine desires. This doesn’t just hurt them—it also affects the women and kids in their lives, creating a cycle of disconnect, dissatisfaction, and sometimes even abuse.
But here’s the kicker: toxic masculinity isn’t just a personal problem. It’s a societal issue, built on outdated gender roles and reinforced by cultural narratives like those in movies featuring Kabir Singh and Arjun Reddy, which glorify a self-destructive version of manhood. We’re still only learning how to talk about raising our boys to move away from these steadfast gender roles in the first place.
One of the most damaging ideas is the “playboy” mindset, where women are seen as conquests rather than partners. This way of thinking kills emotional intimacy and leads to unhealthy relationships. Another toxic belief is that men should always be dominant, which creates power imbalances instead of partnerships.
Breaking free from toxic masculinity isn’t just about changing how you act—it’s about redefining what it means to be a man. Start by regularly reflecting on your actions and attitudes. Journaling, talking with friends, or going to therapy can help you identify the toxic patterns in your life. How can you fix something if you don’t even know it’s broken?
Try opening up to your partner or a loved one about your thoughts and feelings. Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability shows that it’s key to building honest connections. She says, “Vulnerability is the first thing I look for in you and the last thing I’m willing to show you.” In others, it’s courage, but in ourselves, we see it as weakness.
Build empathy by truly listening to your partner—understand where they’re coming from. Don’t be afraid to join support groups or seek therapy to tackle the challenges of toxic masculinity. Asking for help, whether it’s with a project or resolving a conflict, only strengthens your relationships and challenges the belief that vulnerability is something to be ashamed of.
Remember, toxic masculinity isn’t about being a “type” of guy—it’s a pattern. Recognize it, break it, and don’t repeat it. That’s all it takes.